We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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