WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
