This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
