being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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