it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
