woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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