Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize