saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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