community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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