I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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