Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
40s are totally the cure
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
