i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
