i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize