you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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