Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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