I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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