i just wanna soil my oats bro
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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