Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
