Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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