i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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