I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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