They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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