Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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