The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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