i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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