she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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