Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize