I met the friendliest cop last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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