im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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