You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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