Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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