You're so nebulous sometimes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
