I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
