i just sent this text using only my big toe
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
