I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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