worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
