I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
