So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
