We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
