All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
