D3 body, D1 cock
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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