well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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