i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it glows. i had to have it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
