You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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