dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize