I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
