It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
