no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
