dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
