Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
