im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
