my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
