Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My bed smells like the plague
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
