sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize