I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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