i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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