Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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