I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize