did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Terrible idea I love it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
