Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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