if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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