After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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