I hate your face
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
