i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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