my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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