I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we're making bets on your personal life
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
