could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Fuck appropriateness.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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