I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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