Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
