It's Friday. Sex?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
