i don't like sucking hair
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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