Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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