Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
