I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
