I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
