my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
