Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
