The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
