I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize