I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
