you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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