If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
