Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
