ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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