You made me cry and you don't even care
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
