just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize