I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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