: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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