she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize