Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
