I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
