had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
