This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
