the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
