Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
