Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
