I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
