I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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