i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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