Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
