her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
